Choice Bar & Restaurant

Castle Quay,
Castlefield,
Manchester

What was ever wrong with 192 Directory Enquiries? It was a simple, straightforward and effective service that you were happy to be ripped-off for using, since you could never be arsed rooting out the Yellow Pages.

Once the phone bill arrived you would, of course, vow never to dial 192 again, only to find yourself ringing that very evening in search of the nearest all-night massage parlour...or is that just me?

Well now there are around 118 different companies each with their own numbers, charging vastly different rates – ranging from the ridiculous to the "f**k me!" – and taking anywhere between 30 seconds and half an hour to find the number to keep Paris in Fame Academy. Just me again?

More choice isn’t always a good thing.

And that’s certainly true of Choice Bar and Restaurant, one of the latest additions to the Manchester food and drink scene. Housed under Key 103’s base in the plush Castle Quay building, Choice is indeed aesthetically pleasing, boasting a stylish interior of exposed brick, warmed up by smart beige suede chairs and thick navy blue carpets. With the space divided in two, bar and restaurant, this could be the perfect all-evening venue.

But never judge a restaurant by its shag pile…it’s the food that counts.

At his recent Manchester Arena gig, Peter Kay asked why triangular sandwiches always taste so much better than rectangular ones? Funny. But not when you’re dining in a place that’s apparently adopted the joke as its philosophy.

Food here is described as traditional favourites with a twist – which in reality translates as Black Pudding with a bit o’ lemongrass. And whether it’s triangular, rectangular or mysteriously resembles the Holy Countenance, it’s still the congealed blood of a pig.

Things didn’t start well. Having turned up an hour later than we would have liked so we could have a table overlooking the river, the Ukrainian and I were most annoyed to be escorted to a table against the back wall of the room and facing a fire exit. Apparently my request was not noted at the time of booking, though in reality it may have been due to the unexpected arrival of Dev from Corrie.

Don’t they know who I am?

We knew we’d really made the wrong choice when the menus arrived. The options were about as appealing as the Atkins Diet to a vegetarian. The Ukrainian’s choice of Watercress soup (£4.95) did not appeal, so after much perusing I opted for the Scallops with Cheshire Cheese Scones (£4.50). And it gets no more tempting than that.

Among the delights on offer for main course were Beef Fillet with oxtail and potato pie (£16.95), Duck with blackberry sauce (£12.95) – which was not a patch on Le Petit Blanc’s – and Monkfish with Dill batter and scallop potatoes (£14.95), which I chose.

I asked for chips to accompany my fish, which, judging by our waiter's reaction, was on a par with ordering a kosher meal on an Air Palestine flight. Appropriate, really since this was my worst dining experience below 30,000 feet. The Ukrainian felt the same, and she’s Ukrainian.

Wine-wise the selection is much more impressive and is deserving of its recent award. We decided to pass on dessert and headed home, arriving just in time to catch Edina and Patsy trying to choose a design for their Absolutely Fabulous kitchen.

"I don’t want more choice," Eddie ranted. "I just want nicer things."

Here, here.